14 Feb 99: Valentine's Day. I continue my 28 year unbroken tradition of not celebrating this holiday, although I must admit, it ain't half bad not celebrating it in San Juan. Yeah, I'm back. Sometimes I just love my job.

For those of you out there who are celebrating, and you are so lame that you have not only not made plans yet, but you are turning here for advice, I'd like to offer this unpretentious, vegan menu. I do hope you have better luck than I did with the yahoo for whom you cook it. The food is easy to make ('cause otherwise I wouldn't have made it) so give it a whirl. You should be able to get most of the "weird" ingredients in the bulk bins section of a health foods store, so you won't have to buy more than you need. Dont sweat it if you're missing a spice or two; it won't matter that much.

Amy's Unpretentious Vegan V-Day Menu

steamed broccoli
tomato soup
grilled cheeze sandwiches
tater tots
chocolate cake

Steamed Broccoli

Buy a head of broccoli, clean it, cut it and steam it. If you're really lazy, buy a bag of broccoli spears and heat in the microwave

Tomato Soup

Buy a can or box (Imagine Foods soups in those asceptic boxes are damn tasty, especially the Butternet Squash soup.) of tomato soup and heat it on the stove or in the microwave. Or, if you really want to impress, make this soup. The one time I made it, the consistency was more like tomato sauce than soup, but it was damn good.

-from The Single Vegan

2 small onions
2 tsp vegetable oil
14 oz canned tomatoes
1 tsp yeast extract
1 tsp marjoram
1 tsp sweet basil
1 1/3 c water
salt and pepper to tatse

If you don't have all of these spices, try using a vegetable bouillon cube. Just make sure it's vegan. Knorr's isn't anymore I heard, but if you're lame like me, you still have three of the four cubes you bought five years ago. Chop up the onion and saute it in the vegetable oil in the pot you will be using to cook the soup. Put the tomatoes with juice into the pan and use one of those hand blenders to grind up the tomatoes some. If you don't have one, just chop them up some with a spatula or knife. Add everything else, stir and heat over medium heat until the tomatoes cook down and it starts looking like soup.

Grilled Cheeze Sandwiches

-From Vegan Vittles by Joanne Stepaniak

1/3 cup water
4 tsp nutritional yeast
1 Tbsp oat flour
1 Tbsp lemon juice
1 Tbsp tahini
2 tsp ketchup
1 tsp corn starch
1/2 tsp onion granules
1/8 tsp each garlic granules, tumeric, dry mustard, salt
4 slices of bread
pickle sandwich slices (optional)
mustard (optional)

Put all the ingredients (except the bread, mustard and pickles, duh) in a saucepan and stir. Heat over medium heat, stirring constantly until you get a fairly thick cheese sauce. Put mustard on two pieces of bread, if desired. Spoon sauce onto these two pieces of bread, place optional pickle slices on top of cheese and cover each sandwich with another slice of bread. Grill both sides of the bread in a non-stick frying pan until toasty. Makes 2 sandwiches. If you really want to be like me, slice the sandwiches diagonally before serving.

Tater Tots

bag of Ore-Ida Tater Tots
bottle of Heinz ketchup (room temperature)
bottle of Tabasco

One of my favorite foods, but you've got to prepare them right. Those of you retching because your last experience with tater tots came in your school cafeteria, where they were most likely STEAMED (they were at my high school) should give my "recipe" a shot. I reccommend Ore-Ida's Tater Tots or Casacde Farms Spud Puppies (they're organic if you care about things like that), or if you want a higher crisp-to-potato ratio, choose Ore-Ida's Crispy Crownes or Mini-Tater Tots. I don't reccommend other brands, but if you've got a favorite, by all means go for it. I'm not that much of a control freak. If you keep your ketchup in the refrigertor, get it out now, because it should be at room temperature. I prefer Heinz, and no the natural flavorings are not pig's blood. Hunt's is too damn sweet, but if that's what you like, go ahead. Put some aluminum foil on a cookie sheet (easy clean up) and place a single layer of tots on the sheet. For best results, bake in a toaster oven at 450 for 15-20 minutes, or until the tots have reached desired crispness. A regular oven is OK, but deep frying is a no-no. I like mine wicked cripsy, so I cook my tots for at least 20 minutes. If you use mini-tots or crispy crownes, you won't to cook them quite as long. Salt and pepper to taste; freshly ground pepper is best. Dip tots in ketchup or tabasco before consuming. Mmm.

Chocolate Cake

I'm too lazy to type it. Check it out on my friend Jack's page.